I had a shitty day. The day itself wasn’t shitty, but the way I felt throughout it sure was. Still kind of is. OK maybe it’s been a shitty week. What do I do when this happens? This time, the first thing I did was wallow. Actually that’s not true either, the first thing I did was panic, then I wallowed.
Oh sure, I have a bunch of tools I know how to use, and use them pretty religiously, but there was something about today that had me in a space where I couldn’t quite settle into my meditation, or journaling, or any of my usual standbys. To add to the shittiness, I was extra insulted because I’ve been feeling particularly on point lately, scheduling various business projects and tending to them on time, having kickass meditations, getting to the gym for early morning workouts, running 3 times a week, getting to yoga, I was at a fabulous and moving retreat with my spiritual/business coach a couple of weekends ago - I have been UNSTOPPABLE! So awesome right? I didn’t order this. I’ve got things to do, and a business to run and a kid to parent and feed. So like, what gives?
Ohhhh, I’ve gone into The Dip.
When you begin with coaching, (or any transformative process) it’s generally revelations here and uplevelling there and all these things that seem to become illuminated and new habits are being formed and you feel like you’re conquering the THING that was in your way. What we don’t always talk about is the Dip, when we think we’ve overcome the THING (or THINGS), and “cured” it all, but when there is still baggage that need to be released. And it’s still kind of ugly. And gross. And filled with things you don’t want to face because you’d rather look at the butterflies and rainbows and breakthroughs. Growth is NOT all butterflies and rainbows and usually it winds up with at least a few utterances of AFGO (Another Fucking Growth Opportunity).
For me personally, as I write this, I realize that what I’ve been learning through my business growth, my work with my own coaches and shifts in relationship dynamics I have in my life, is that old beliefs that are lingering in my being are not in alignment with who I am becoming and it’s becoming unbearably clear. One of the gifts I have when I work with clients is that I can show them where they are out of alignment and help them move into clarity to resolve and let go of what no longer serves, and it’s harder to do on my own.
So I connected with my coach after I failed with my own tools and I asked for help. I haaaaate asking for help, even though I always tell my clients that asking for help isn’t weakness, because it’s not. But I did it, I asked for help and she gave me the gift of clarity. “Stop fighting the feeling and the experience. Stop judging the feelings. Stop buying into the feelings. The only way through, is through and you can’t control it.”
Basically, sit in the Dip because you can’t bypass it. Oh. So I pressed pause on my plans for the afternoon and let myself experience the Dip. When you experience big changes, you need to allow time for integration. It’s not instantaneous, it’s not all comfortable, but if you fight it it takes longer.
This is part of the self-care that I advocate for so often. It’s about allowing without judgement, like when you cry and let the tears flow freely instead of stifling them or apologizing for them. It’s celebrating the wins and acknowledging the failures without telling yourself that YOU are the failure. It’s reaching out and asking for help, because we’re not here to do it all on our own.
This is the gift this week’s Dip has given me.
I hope this has been helpful to read; I would love to hear from you about your own experiences with this. Can you identify times when you’ve been in the Dip? Are you in the Dip now? What gifts have you received from the Dip? Do you ask for help when you’re there? How many times can I type the word Dip before it seems wrong?