There Is No Perfect

Full disclosure: I have been resisting writing this post for EVER! I’d sit down and start with one paragraph, then shut it down, and wander back a couple of weeks later and add a few more paragraphs, then a week later, pull it up and scrap the first paragraph and so on and so forth. WHY? Why? Because this endeavour has been a big step for me not only professionally, but emotionally and spiritually as well.

I’ve been running this business very part time for a few years, but launching fully and completely is a whole different ballgame. I’m doing it, but I also have to shush that not-so-helpful inner speak as I take each step. Fortunately I have some excellent tools to deal with that, and I still need to take the initiative to USE those tools. My goal, each time I sit down at the computer to write, is to be as true to myself as possible, and sometimes looking inward without filters can be a bit daunting and leave you feeling kind of exposed. Vulnerability and I are still working on becoming friends.

When I first sat down to write this, it was because I’d just officially launched my business and website and was thinking about the best way to introduce myself. I had a blog in the past, which was borne of a painful time and was fuelled by that hurt anger; this project, this writing, is far more exciting and joyful, even if fuelled by some massive change, which can sometimes be just a little scary.

The push it took me to launch Jessica Dawn Coaching was not as perfect as I would have liked it to be. I was in the process of building my business as a side project, while working a full time job running a Canadian national charity. The security of that steady paycheque was very nice and so I was taking my time to make sure everything was launched perfectly. I was waiting for the perfect timing, the perfect circumstances and the perfect safety net to catch me “if”. Of course, nothing is ever perfect, and timing isn’t always something that can be planned.

First, let me rewind a touch.

18 months ago, I made a big decision and offered to carry my friend’s baby. I’d watched her go through multiple miscarriages and, she finally got to the point where her and her husband had decided to move forward with a Gestational Carrier.

As a single Mom to two kids that I adore, I knew the gift of family was sacred. The fulfillment, wonder and endless learning that can come from watching these little beings grow into fascinating adults is rather inexplicable. I also felt that it would be potentially frightening to place your trust in a complete stranger to grow your biological baby, even though many people go this route. Ultimately, I offered to help… Like, what’s a year of my life when I can help my friends? Right? Those who know me well, know that I am definitely an outside the box kind of person and this wasn’t a decision that I made in an instant, it’s something that I carefully considered over a three-year period, as I learned more about the world of infertility, IVF, and the lengths that people go through to have families. I felt that I would be selfish if I hadn’t offered at that point, and so I offered, they accepted, and the project was initiated; it’s a thorough process that I’ll write more about in another blog, but if you have ever undergone IVF, you will know that it’s a process that takes time. If you have not gone through the process, trust me when I say it is. When I easily offered up a year of my life to my friend, that wasn’t a completely accurate timeline, especially when factoring in the pre-screening required to become accepted as a gestational carrier. In realistic timelines, the process is really much closer to a year of preparation, then actual pregnancy, and that often overlooked postpartum period.

notmybuns.png

I knew when I offered, that I was initiating a big change. And when I look back in retrospect, I know that the change being initiated was more than what would take place in my body, but it wasn’t a conscious knowing at the time.

I was running a national charity and felt that it would be best to cut my mat-leave short, so I returned to work after 8 weeks and was promptly notified that my position was being eliminated.

Excuse me? I had just grown and pushed out a baby for someone and now my job was coming to an end? This was not the perfect transition I had been dreaming of! In the weeks after receiving that news, it took me some time to digest, however, I knew that I had, at some level, initiated this process somewhere in the depths of my being. 

My transition would, instead of being perfect, be based on faith that everything would be turning out for the highest good. What is that saying? You’ve definitely read it in your Facebook feed at some point…

Jump, and build your wings on the way down, it quickens the focus.
-Ray Bradbury

It’s clearly time for me to do what my soul has been whispering for some time. Focus that energy on creating the life I really want! What I really want to is to be of service to others, to offer a different perspective, to shine some light and some insight.

Welcome to Jessica Dawn Coaching, I specialize in personal change management. Transitional guidance and helping you sort out what the heck is going on in your life and how to take charge in a loving and joyful way. I’ve been there and I’ve got some great tools to help you navigate rough waters and step into your power.

I look forward to working with you!